At your table?
The weekend was filled with revelations for me. Being surrounded by my kids and family members was incredible. My heart was so happy I smiled for two straight days! I giggled with my grandson. Tickled my granddaughter until she squealed. Bounced my newest grand baby until he wore himself out and passed out in my arms. I watched my children laugh and joke and chat with one another. Yes, this mommas heart overflowed with joy.
Somehow, in the kitchen, where all great conversations take place, I became the subject of conversation. My upcoming foray back on to the pageant world has become quite the cause for excitement among some of the women in my family. I could only laugh at the insane ideas they’d concocted as they planned on being my very own cheering section.
For me, it’s weird. I’ve spent my life cheering on others. I’m the biggest encourager. I’m the loudest cheerleader. I’ll pick you up after a loss and tell anyone within earshot of your wins. To have that turned and focused on me is a strange feeling. And yet, these women plan to do just that. Well, almost all of them. As the excited chatter of the upcoming pageant weekend overtook the group, one remained silent. That silence was louder than all of the excited words crisscrossing the room.
I wanted desperately to corner them, drag it out, but I refrained because I refuse to beg anyone to cheer for me. Even someone I’d think would automatically be one of the loudest in the bunch. Did it hurt? Duh! I’m not completely made of stone! But, did I expect anything different? Sadly, no. It took a while but I learned where I fell in their pecking order and it’s not super high.
Watching the conversation and excitement, or lack thereof, unfold, I realized just who was truly sitting at my table. And who was simply in the room. The experience simply made me take stock and make sure that everyone I love knows I’m not just sitting at their table. I’m there helping them prepare it, fix it, clean it up if need be, or simply be present when they need it.
Coming down from such a happy high stinks. Thankfully, there was more than enough love and joy in my house that I can draw from it for days to come. And when those thoughts of doubts creep in, I’ll remember the cheerleaders at my table ready to make it known who their favorite is.
jamonicad 