Then I cried…
Then I woke up. Hmmmmm……
Have you ever had a dream that felt real? Like you could feel the heat of the day? Smell the scents in the air? Feel the touch of someone’s hand on your skin?
Yesterday, while napping off the pleased exhaustion of another annual party successful completed, I had one of those dreams. Pretty sure I scared my husband who was resting his aching feet beside me. I didn’t know I was asleep until I woke up.
It was a beautiful day in my dream. Sunny. Warm. Perfectly azure skies. The hubby and I were out and about seeking a cool drink. Being picky, I, of course, wanted something different. I remember smelling coffee and crinkling my nose because I still dislike the smell of coffee. I chatted with the nice couple seated in the shop I stopped at while watching my son at the playground right outside the windows.
I suppose I should have known then it was a dream because he was seven or eight and not his current eighteen. Oversized teeth and buzzed head leaping like a spider monkey on the equipment. It made me smile that pleased momma smile. I got my drink and made my way out just in time to watch him do something that’s clearly impossible outside of dream world. He ran down this almost vertical ladder into a pit.
I was in awe but it was short lived because my mother came out, not paying attention and walk/slid down the same ladder. It was so comical the faces and sounds she made before she disappeared that I laughed so hard my sides hurt. And woke up laughing my head off.
When I finally opened my eyes and realized it was a dream, my laughter turned to tears and unbearable sadness. I cried into my poor hubby’s shirt for a good five minutes. Note to self: napping when exhausted leads to insane dreams. Do not recommend.
After I finished crying all over the hubby, I pulled myself together and told him my dream. Dang him for hitting the nail on the head in understanding it. You see, usually our big summer party has ALL of our kids. The older ones and grand babies makes sure they are here. The ones who live here have no choice but to be here. We invite their friends so it’s not complete torture. But this year, our newly minted adult child No called no showed my second favorite day of the year. My mother going down the same hole is a whole different cake to bake but not right now.
I was too busy laughing with and loving on everyone who came spend time with us that day to let it bother me. Then between clean up and the need for a serious shower, I didn’t have time to think about the missing piece of my puzzle. It took an exhausted me napping on the couch to finally feel that loss. And boy did I feel it.
They never mention how hard having kids can be sometimes. I look at my kids and this insane amount of love takes a strangle hold of me. I’m sure the last kid standing in the house thinks I’m nutsy coo-coo every time I call her name to simply tell her I love her. I hug my older kids like I’m trying to adjust their spines before they walk out my door. Bone-crushing heart-to-heart hugs as if I’m trying to transfer my love directly into them. And our family picture is light a child this year. Sigh.
So, today, now that my legs have stopped aching, I finished the clean up on another summer celebration. I washed the swim towels, emptied the coolers, and took down the banner. And, I put an unworn shirt away on the shelf of a closet. Yeah, they never tell you how hard it is.
jamonicad 